Wishing, and Hoping and Waiting and Praying...

It's the night before my last finals here at GVSU and I'm so ready to be done. My mind set at this point has hit the usual "Michelle" thoughts.  I keep looking out for cute guys now, my mind has been opened and I feel somewhat renewed. Somewhat. It is amazing how much of a bubble I've been kept in, during my long relationship with my high school sweetie. I have moments when I am alone, when all I want is to grab a dish of ice cream and eat that while I cry and hold onto my teddy bear that I can no longer use. I always wonder if he is thinking about me. I think about him all the time. My strength comes from a song called  "A Little Bit Stronger" by Sara Evans and my loved ones.  I realize that by now (since a month has gone by almost...) that if he were to come back, he would have. I know deep down, that if we are meant to be, someday we will find our way back. Now, I am doubting everything that we once had. Was it worth it? What would have happened if I had never gone an hour away? What if I had gone there originally? Would we still be together? I can't keep asking myself these questions, for I will only drive myself crazy. I know this all sounds somewhat insane. I mean... he dumped me, right? So, the next step is to move on. But, how? I have already started I suppose. " My heart will never be the same, but I'm telling myself I'll be okay" says Sara, which I know is so true. It only took these last few weeks to show me that. I hope to find someone who will love me and treat me right. I will always love him in some way I think, that seems to happen with first loves, right? I keep praying that I can find out the true reasons for him letting me go. God has his reasons, I just don't know them yet. I keep wishing that something exciting and extraordinary will happen to me. I keep hoping that he either comes back or that my pain goes away. I keep waiting to begin my life again and move on. I keep praying that God will lead me on the right path... which I believe he is. Sad songs seem to be my soundtrack this semester, I am so anxious to get out of that habit, to start living and experiencing college. I know I may be young, but I know what love is.